MAI 2 MOTHERS
How will you feel if you see two moons in the sky. Ecstatic? I felt twice as ecstatic when I discovered my second mother! Or rather, my second mother discovered me. No, my father did not have 2 wives. My second mother found a son in me. And this happened after the demise of my father! The second mother is Italian. It so happened that one of the four countries in which I got opportunity to work was Italy. Within a couple months of we landing in Italy for my assignment, an Italian lady embraced me as her son! At that time I was 56 and she was 78. And thereafter for 7 years that we stayed in Italy, I enjoyed her motherhood. Suddenly, I had four eyes adoring me and four arms hugging me.
So, like with all mothers, there have been sweet memories and further, they are Indian and Italian ones. My mother (Padma Mathker) lived for 24 years after my father’s demise. Out of the same, for 16 years I lived away from her. When I got a job abroad in Muscat (1993), my mother was, for the first time in her life, faced with a situation of having to stay alone in our home in Mumbai. But as soon as I asked her ascent, she gave me her green signal without any hesitation. Later, I changed my jobs twice (Bahrain and thereafter Milan, Italy) after gaps of 6 years on each occasion. And on both these subsequent occasions also, in spite of her advancing age, she waived the green flag. These three permissions were like triple crowns conferred upon me by my mother – the crowned as well as crowns were crafted by Her!
In all the years that I was abroad, I spent ALL my leave with her. These short annual stays with her served as a vitamin tonic for me, giving me the strength to spend balance eleven months abroad. After completing a stay of around 6 months on the job every time after my annual holiday, my countdown for next India visit would begin. It was like school going child counting number of days balance for the annual holiday to start.
Wherever in the world I was, there was hardly a day when I did not speak to her. It had become a habit, like having the morning tea or coffee without which one cannot get started! As she grew older, I could feel that my call worked as good as any other medicine – without which she would fall ill.
Whenever I returned back to work after spending the holidays with her, I prayed that I see her well next time I come for my holidays. Normally, we used to visit India only once a year. And that was the reason for my anxiety. However, there wasn't any situation requiring me to make emergency visit to India. But the way she passed away without creating slightest inconvenience to me is a millionth of chance and the events need to be penned.
2013 turned out to be a watershed year for me. I lost one kidney in March. My Italian visa came up for renewal and being the second time, it took more time to get it extended. As usual, around the month of September, I planned my leave and booked tickets for December as there are Christmas and New Year holidays in Italy.
In November, my mother’s health started deteriorating and she expired on 24th December. Some of the coincidences which happened were –
1. Towards the fag end of her life, I got the opportunity to visit India more often due to my health and visa issues, thereby allowing me to spend more time with her
2. I was the last person she spoke to, though I was in Italy. It so happened that she was admitted to the ICU of Lilavati Hospital in Mumbai. When the doctors arrived to set up the ventilator, Seema (my wife) was with her. Seema requested the Doctors that she speak to me before the equipment is set up, as later on when she recovers, it takes time to restart speaking. Seema called me and I spoke to my mother. It so happened that the ventilator remained on her till her demise.
3.Though I had arranged my leave quite in advance, it so happened that my mother ‘planned’ her departure in such a manner that I did not have to shift my leave dates at all. She passed away on 24th December and exactly after 13 days of rituals, i.e. on 6th of January I left for Italy as planned in September! Being the eldest son, I always felt that her last rites be performed by me. Whenever I returned to work after my vacation, I left with a heavy heart, not sure if I would see her next time. But the events unfolded in such a manner that my wish of performing my duties was heard by The Lord. Further, my Mother ensured that I have another mother after she passes away!
To me, shrugging off these events as mere coincidences is unfathomable.
The coincidence of finding an Italian Mother is no less wonder of the universe for me. Mia madre Italiana - Signora Mariaantonetta Bielli. She became a mother at 78!
Within around three months after landing in Milan for my job, Seema and I went for a stroll to a park around 1 km from our home. After a couple of rounds, when we were overtaking a lady, she called on us and asked “one round of this park would be how many meters?” And that was the beginning of mother son relationship. Today, when we recall this episode, she is surprised that she took this first giant step. More so because the influx of immigrants in Europe in general and Italy in particular has made the Italians wary of opening up with people from Middle East or Asia, and rightly so. This was our first interaction with the gorgeous Signora MariaAntonetta Bielli.
Later she showed us where she lived and it was just opposite – at a stone’s throw from the park. So she must have been frequenting the park couple of times a week.
This meeting, in hindsight, was God sent for us. Some of the places which I needed her help to accompany me like my family doctor, hospital, Immigration office, etc. were around 150 to 300 meters from her residence which emboldened me to ask her help whenever I needed. She was keen to help me.
She was 78 years old when we first met (2009). She speaks fluent English, which is a bit rare in Italy and a cause for our bonding.
From the day we met her till the day we left Italy, there was hardly any day when we did not meet or speak to each other. Her daughter stays nearby (around 2 kms) and all the family is our very good friend.
To sum up, the distance of one round of the park turned out to be of unlimited meters for me.
I was her chauffeur and she was my secretary. The roles she took up for me were – translator cum consultant for my visa, pension, driving licence and my complicated medical issues to be explained to Italian doctors and obtain their advice. From my side I was her chauffeur whenever her daughter and her family were busy – I helped her in going to hospitals, super markets, boutiques, etc. And more important she was my partner in exchanging our views on politics, culture, religion, history, etc.
Once she requested me to accompany her to the polling booth when there were elections in Italy and I got a first-hand feel of the system. I was able to go up to the point where she cast her vote. Further, she marked her vote on the ballot paper with a pencil, which had been provided to her by the booth staff
One of my regrets is that my real mother did not meet my Italian mother. Both of them were advised by their respective doctors not to travel due to their age and condition of health
Seema had to return to Mumbai intermittently due to various reasons – my mother’s or her parents’ health, our son was Mumbai, etc. So there were at least 2 or 3 times a year that Seema returned to Mumbai for an average of 2 months per visit. This forced me to be alone in Italy. During these periods, Signora MariaAntonetta provided me company. In a lighter vein, one day when Seema was in Mumbai, she suddenly arrived unannounced and after entering the home, checked all rooms completely including under the beds asking me where I have hidden the blonde girl! Also, she used to ‘threaten’ Seema that if she leaves me alone for too long, she would find a girl for me!
On couple of occasions, the adverse reports of my medical investigation carried out in Mumbai were received when I was alone in Italy. It was MariaAntonetta who was beside me to console and provide moral support.
Wherever she accompanied me – to the Visa or Pension office or the doctors and hospitals, she would ensure that the outcome is clear and conclusive.
I assert that without her, our stay in Italy would have been difficult.
I enjoyed this heavenly privilege of having 2 mothers, one in India and other in Italy, for 4 years of my life. Due to language, age and distance constraints, the two could not speak to each other. How much more happy I would have been if I could have taken their photo together.
It is well known how a mother can multiply her love ten times for her ten children so that each child gets her full love. But here it was my exam to accept and enjoy both Mothers' love so that it does not overflow due my failure to create space for both. To accommodate one mother's love itself needs infinite space and here l had to create for two mothers - the most desirable situation that one has to face!
Now I know why mother is called Mam Ma!
